Congratulations, you’ve surfaced! You’ve successfully navigated the deep waters of higher education and emerged with a degree in Underwater Basket Weaving from the prestigious UBWU. We’re not just proud – we’re buoyant with joy.
Why We’re Grateful:
- You actually graduated: Let’s be honest, there were moments when we thought you might get tangled in your own weaving. Remember that final exam when you convinced yourself that pruney fingers were a sign of mastery? We do.
- You make us look good: Every time you weave an underwater masterpiece, we take full credit. That basket holding the Lost City of Atlantis’s treasure? Clearly our doing. That viral TikTok of a fish swimming through your latest creation? We’ll claim that too.
- You give us hope: If you can make it in the cutthroat world of subaquatic crafts, maybe there’s hope for the current bunch of waterlogged weavers practicing their bubble-breath-holding techniques in our pools.
- You’re living proof that our degrees aren’t just expensive wall art: Your success proves that our program is more than just a fancy way to prune your fingers, but also a way to show off to your friends!
- You occasionally remember us: Whether it’s a nostalgic post of your first snorkel or a donation (hint, hint), we’re touched that you think of us more often than that recurring nightmare about showing up to class without your wetsuit.
How to Stay Connected
- Join our alumni network: It’s like LinkedIn, but for people who understand the importance of waterproof watches.
- Attend reunions: Come back and see how the campus pools have changed, and how your former professors mysteriously haven’t developed gills (we have a dehumidifier in the faculty lounge).
- Mentor current students: Share your wisdom, or at least your “how to untangle yourself underwater” stories.
- Donate: Help us build that new state-of-the-art pressurized weaving chamber. Our current students need to prepare for deep-sea commissions.
Remember, dear alumni, you’re not just our past – you’re our floating pride and joy. Stay awesome, keep making watertight wonders, and don’t forget where you learned to distinguish between freshwater and saltwater reeds while holding your breath.
With love, bubbles, and a subtle request for waterproof donations,
Your Alma Mater: The Institute of Underwater Basket Weaving Excellence