This is where all my cats learned how to weave under water.
This is a new paragraph.
This is where all my cats learned how to weave under water.
This is a new paragraph.
Have you ever wondered just how REAL underwater basket weaving is? Before I became an underwater basket weaving olympian and taught others how to use this age-old skill to fight off zombies, I often wondered if weaving baskets under water was even real or practical for that matter. But then I met the ghost of Bruce Lee and my life was changed forever!
You see, what most people don’t know is that Bruce Lee was a legendary zombie fighter that honed his craft by weaving baskets with his father and grandfather. They taught Bruce that for one to stop the zombie, one must weave like the wind. Those underwater basket weaving lessons became life lessons that stopped the 1st zombie apocalypse from spreading past Hong Kong in 1976.
It was only because of Bruce Lee’s pure determination and refusal to quit that the zombie horde was brought to a headless stop thanks to the underwater basket weaving genius of Bruce Lee. In less than three weeks, he taught over 100 police officers in the New Territories to weave wet baskets into a fighting machine that beheaded zombies left and right.
The victory is long forgotten now that Hong Kong is no longer a British colony. Once it was swallowed up by China, the whole event was swept under the rug and all the statues commemorating the event were taken down. The sheer stupidity of this whitewashing will no doubt be our undoing one day.
It is because of events like this that I became an underwater basket weaving olympian and why to this day I hone my skills in preparation for the coming zombie apocalypse. So, here me now and know that underwater basket weaving is real and that its usefulness is beyond measure. Oh and I almost forgot, you can learn how to weave baskets underwater at universities around the country now, so don’t hold back, learn while you still can.
When the Summer Olympics begin, fans from all over the world are ready to root for their favorite athletes. There are many popular events that people are motivated to watch. Sports icons such as Michael Phelps draw large crowds to swimming events such as the 50 m swimming freestyle, but there is one water-based event that is even better. Since its inception, the Underwater Basket Weaving Olympics has far surpassed the regular Olympics. These Olympians are not only the best in the world at this sport, but they are also the only ones that can save us from a zombie apocalypse and will be the true saviors of humanity when it occurs.
This is a very popular sport that is done all over the world. Those that participate in the Underwater Basket Weaving Olympics are some of the best athletes that have ever participated in Olympic games. Not only are they adept at weaving baskets underwater, sometimes at depths of 10 m, but they are capable of holding their breath for over eight minutes. It is a challenging event, one that requires physical strength, stamina, and the ability to create baskets with overwhelmingly unique designs. It is the stamina and dexterity that is possessed by these underwater basket weaving Olympians that makes them the top candidates for saving the world when the zombie apocalypse comes.
This is an event that many people believe will occur in the near future. As science continues to modify the genetics of animals, they will soon be able to modify the DNA of people. However, not all scientists are doing this for humanitarian reasons. There are those that seek world domination. Their goal is to change everyone into brain eating men and women, individuals that will virtually consume everyone on the earth. Some say that this type of event is mere fantasy. However, these are the words of the uninformed. It will literally take the beginning of the zombie apocalypse to convince doubters that this coordinated attack on the world from the elite is real.
The reason that these particular Olympians will be our saviors is because of the skills they have harnessed over the years. First of all, they are able to hold their breath for extended periods of time. This will allow them to attack and kill all of the zombies that are coming up from the water. Their basket weaving skills are even more important. Few people understand that zombies will literally explode in the presence of baskets being woven at high speeds. The energetic frequency created by this activity, especially out of water, can literally disintegrate an entire horde of zombie attackers within seconds. Finally, these Olympians are trained to understand only one thing: the need to win at any cost. It is this combination of the desire to win, combined with their basket weaving skills, that will save us all.
According to recent polls taken, the sport of underwater basket weaving has never been more popular. People are absolutely addicted to not only watching this Olympic event, but they are feeling compelled to make baskets more than ever before. Some studies have shown that more people are weaving baskets today than those that are posting on Facebook and Twitter. The reason that we don’t know about this is that it is an underground hobby, one that most people don’t like to admit they are addicted to. If all goes well, these Olympians can begin to train legions of underwater basket weavers, preparing us for the potential end of mankind at the hand of the zombies.
Now that you know more about the underwater basket weaving Olympics, you may find yourself strangely drawn to watching this intense and addicting event. It could be the universe calling to you. If you find yourself suddenly weaving baskets, and doing so in your swimming pool, you might be one of the next underwater basket weaving Olympians. If you become exceptionally fast at weaving baskets underwater, you may want to join forces with the current Olympians. By doing so, you will be preparing for the zombie apocalypse, allowing you to do your part in saving mankind.
Have you ever considered majoring in underwater basket weaving? Have you ever thought, “The underwater basket weaving major isn’t real…right?” Well, believe it or not, but this is a real major that exists at some of the most prestigious universities in the United States, including UCSD (University of California San Diego), UF (University of Florida), Rutgers, Virginia Tech, UCF (University of Central Florida), OSU (Oregon State University) and even Columbia!
It’s true, the expression ‘underwater basket weaving’ was once exactly what you may be currently thinking; an imaginary degree. The phrase was used when a college representative wanted to stress just how extensive the coursework is that is offered by the institution they are part of. ‘Yes, that’s right, we even have degrees in underwater basket weaving here!’
The thing is, now you really can become a fully qualified underwater basket weaver. That’s right; you can boast a degree in this beautiful craft! What can you expect from majoring in underwater basket weaving? Let’s find out!
There is nothing quite like taking part in an activity with other like-minded people. You know, those once in a lifetime experiences that you share with complete strangers, but by the end of it, you feel like you are all long lost soul mates who will remain so for life.
Plenty of situations could fit into such a once in a lifetime category, and by the time you graduate, you’re going to look back on your college career and realize that underwater basket weaving has just become the greatest of them all! What is your unique and inspirational major going to be like?
Yes, it’s not just one of those titles that doesn’t deliver on what it represents! Instead, you are going to live and breath basket weaving all under water and all in perfect zen with your surroundings. Indeed, you are going to be in your swimwear and entering the pool and within a couple of years of graduating, be making over $150,000 a year!
Of course, learning how to basket weave while floating around in the pool would be one thing, but you will be taking things well and truly to the next level. You are going to be fully immersed while learning the amazing art of basket weaving.
We know this is a lot to take in, after all, not everyone has the opportunity in life to take part in something so special. If this opportunity does come your way, we sure hope that you grab it with both hands and make the most of it. This is something that you may be thankful for every day for the rest of your life!
Once you are fully immersed and ready to take things to the next level, it will be time to learn the art of basket weaving. What an incredible privilege to learn such a fantastic skill! Your parents are going to be so proud of you! Just think about where this could take you in life. Never mind keeping it local, you may end up being an international celebrity with skills like these! Why even taking it global could be in the cards for you! Don’t get too carried away just yet though, you may have the taste of glory in your mouth, but you still need to get yourself trained and qualified.
Of course, if you really want to boast about being an underwater basket weaver you will need to complete the coursework required to receive your degree in this major. Put in the hard work now and enjoy the rewards for the rest of your life!
Have we convinced you that a major in underwater basket weaving could be the most amazing part of your life so far? If so, we advise you to get signed up without delay!
When you were young and got back to school after the summer, you likely rode on the bus with other students or sat with them at lunch and talked about what you did over the vacation. Weren’t there always a few kids that didn’t do much other than going to summer Boy Scout camp? While many of the experiences that Boy Scouts get to go through are cool, and many of the skills they pick up are valuable in life, they’re rarely thought of as the cool kids during the teenage years.
Do you remember any of the kids in your school getting picked on for getting their Underwater Basket Weaving Merit Badge over the summer while other families traveled or you stayed in the air conditioning playing video games? That bullying was, of course, wrong on its own merits, but also because this particular merit badge is astoundingly useful.
If you ever see a Boy Scout in uniform with a sash that has a bunch of round patches in rows and columns on it, then they’re displaying their merit badges. These are awarded after they learn and demonstrate mastery in various disciplines, such as first aid, map skills, and even sports like golfing. These sashes might be worn over one shoulder or draped from their belt. Some badges are mandatory to advance in rank, and others are more like elective classes.
A common misconception about this particular merit badge is that Boy Scouts have to actually go underwater to do it, leaving civilians to wonder why this is necessary. This isn’t quite the case though. It’s only the reeds that the baskets are made from that need to go underwater. The reeds used are straight, solid, and breakable when solid and dry, but when submerged into water, they’re pliable and bendable. So, a Boy Scout holding his reeds in a creek or tub of water can manipulate them into curved shapes to structure the basket together. Air-drying overnight solidifies the basket through each phase of its construction.
It’s a common badge at summer camps. Younger boys might pursue it because it’s easy and within their skill range, especially if they’re not able yet to join more advanced merit badge classes like archery, rock climbing, or lifeguarding. Even older boys sometimes like getting it because the class is simple enough to do and often in the shade under a canopy, tarp, or shelter. Any boys also love making something with their hands that they can take home and give as a gift to a mother or grandparents.
The Boy Scouts have certainly changed over the years. After dealing with years of controversy regarding potential child abuse and the inclusion of gays, the organization is now letting girls in. It’s thought that this might mean interest and participation in merit badges like basketweaving are going to grow in popularity.
The highest rank any Boy Scout can attain is the rank of Eagle Scout, which carries with it requirements for mandatory merit badges, enough elective ones, demonstration of personal leadership, and community service. The list of required merit badges is now being adjusted to include underwater basket weaving, as the best of the Boy Scouts should understandably be able to make physical structures out of what nature provides them in the wild as part of their learned survival skills.
Now that you have read this article about the underwater basket weaving merit badge, you understand what it is and why boys would take it. Hopefully, you understand that it’s not as silly as it sounds to those who don’t know about it.